*Currently in Sofia, Bulgaria
One of the first entries of this blog was titled Every day above ground is a good day. This is a tag line referencing hammocks, but it became a prophecy for my life in the following months. Car accident on July 14, 2012 left me with shattered ribs, scapula and elbow. I am still recovering but it is now a question of believe and healing. I am closing this sequence, the "Every day above ground is a good day" today, the last day of the year. Literally - because I won't be able to sleep in a hammock no more (too curvy for my damaged rib cage), and that's the end of the experiment for me, and figuratively - because I am out of danger. I am. And that's that.
Baby let me be,
I don't wanna be a tiger
Just wanna be, your teddy bear
Baby let me be, around you every night
It ain't right to sell one-eyed Teddy Bear toys. The loss of an eye has to be a result of passionate wear and tear. Why buy a toy that looks like loved? To save the kid some work? Then again, there are the jeans with holes in them sold in the stores. We are not keen on buying those either.
"What is REAL?" asked the Velveteen Rabbit one day... "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When [someone] loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept."
"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand... once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”
― Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit or How Toys Become Real
At the beginning of this episode Mr Bean's Teddy Bear gets his Christmas present.
Well, I thought about it (continued from). Inside we are deeper than we will ever expand in the outer environment. The processes that are taking place inside us (soul, mind, whatever) are much more important that what will anybody remember you doing or saying. People will remember how you made them feel. And it doesn't matter what you did or said to deserve it. They will always justify it. You have to learn self-esteem. To become your own best friend. There are many writings about this, and it is the very thing you will pay therapists to try to teach you. Think right now of your favorite person and ask yourself, what is it about them that attracts you the most? Odds are it isn't their physical appearance or their accomplishments but rather their spirit; the way they treat others. This is the key quality that makes people likable, even to themselves. It comes down to how do we treat ourselves. "How's life treating you?" Heard that question? Does life happen to you or do you happen to life? Are you a thermometer or thermostat? Start liking what you see in the mirror, because it is two-way street. If you like what you see, you will reach higher and go farther.
People need encouragement in what they are doing, not in what you think good for yourself, or what you intend to subject yourself to. In the same manner treat yourself as another person. Accept yourself for what you are, not where you think you should be, and even worse, what other people think you should be doing. There is You, your Ego and the World. You will never satisfy your Ego. Well, maybe there will be fleeting moments, like when you are at the top of the mountain. But that's it. There will always be higher mountains. Or steeper ascend. Basically you should learn to be happy despite your Ego or the World at large.
Friends, family, kids is the best thing that can happen to you. They don't love you because of your freaking "potential" but because of you. Then again we come to the moment when they annoy, disparage, or betray you. This is inevitable. Because they have access to you and you both think they know you, and that gives them the right to advice you. Don't accept them. Learn to discard without confrontation. I call this becoming light and less dense. That is not yielding. You should not change or slow down the course of your doings. Just don't let the arrows stick in your flesh. Let them go through. You can't do much about the pain, it will hurt, but don't let them stay in you, don't carry them around with you - forgive and forget. Forgetting only will also do the trick.
It all comes down to the image of you, isn't it? Where's that image kept? Who's feeding it, and who sees it? You don't know what's the image of you in people's mind. It doesn't matter what they say. It is usually not much thought of you in other people's minds. We crave for attention. It's hard to make people think of you, large number of people, and in times when you are gone (vacation or afterlife - people don't make much difference). And you can't keep them accountable for anything. It looks like this is not so hard to comprehend, and you won't be so disappointed that you are not "famous". Fame is not the subject now. The image of you is. So, if we can't do much about the image other people have in their minds because of the way life goes, that leaves us with the image our Ego paints for us. Why should we care what image of ourselves we have in our own minds? It looks like this is the main drive in our existence - feeding that image. What if we leave it here and now? Won't we have much more time on our hands and much less worries? All about something that exists only in our mind. Think about it. (To be continued)
Why Santa Claus is always smiling? Because he knows the addresses of the naughty girls! I am considering a seasonal job - believing in Santa pays well.